Argh! My precious paws!
All cats love fish, but fear to wet their paws – a traditional saying, dating back to at least the sixteenth century, used to describe a person who is keen to obtain something of value, but who is not bold enough to make the necessary effort or to take the risk. It is to this saying that William Shakespeare referred in Macbeth:
Letting ‘I dare not’ wait upon ‘I would’,
Like the poor cat i’ the adage.
There is something that I wish to obtain; something I truly believe to have considerable value. Yet I have done nothing about it. It isn’t anything to do with not being bold enough to make the necessary effort… yet, it probably does have something to do with me not being bold enough to take the risk.
Risk.
Once bitten, twice shy – a phrase meaning that one learns from previous experience. Having been caught out once, one is wary or cautious the next time – and you should therefore learn from your mistakes. As Josh Billing said, “Nobody but a fool gets bit twice by the same dog”.
So what do we do then when we want to obtain something of value, but the reason why we are not bold enough to take the risk to get it, is because of some other prior occasion when we took a similar risk, we were caught out – hurt; rejected; used.
Bit.
To what extent can we learn from a previous experience, and merely let it make us more cautious the next time, rather than causing us to be so scared of being caught out again, that we barricade, and live life too cautiously, not taking any risks at all – even when it means missing out on what we truly wish to obtain.
I don’t know if I am making much sense. This is my attempt at writing about something on my mind, without having to actually mention what ‘it’ is. I am trying to be subtle; something I am generally not very good at. I’m itching to mention what ‘it’ is. But there are two things that are making being completely honest and frank about ‘it’ difficult… which by mentioning what they are will in effect highlight what the underlying subject is of this post – therefore, subtle is about to go flying out the window [along with many other characteristic qualities which I simply do not possess such as thinking before speaking, keeping things to myself, and a really good sense of humour]… [haha – obviously scrap that last one, I clearly have a great sense of humour, it only being necessary that at least one person thinks you are funny, and I personally think I am pretty funny].
Anyway, getting back on point. The two reasons why I was keeping the subject matter a secret, of which in themselves will reveal the secret subject matter are (drum roll):
1) It is about a boy; the something of value that I want to obtain, is a boy. And being the strong independent woman that I am, I hate to admit that deep intense thoughts were ultimately triggered by a boy [‘deep intense thoughts’ – if that’s what you can even call them – but that’s not the point here, so we won’t discuss this any further except as to say that we can all simply accept that my ramblings are the result of deep intense thoughts. You may as well add intelligent in the mix too while we are being so agreeable] … and I am conscious about the fact that a number of my blog posts have been about boys and again, being the strong independent woman that I am, but one totally conscious of people’s judging minds, I don’t want people thinking that all I think about and concern myself over is boys. But alas, I am a girl. And I guess this girl thinks about boys, even though I don’t like to admit it.
2) The whole, ‘been bit’ thing. I know what I want. But honestly, I do fear to wet my paws. However, even mentioning that the something that I want is a boy, is in my mind, taking a risk. A slight maybe very insignificant risk. But a risk nevertheless. That has to account for something…
The truth is, I have been bitten. Getting bit sucks. It sucks balls. Having been bitten once or twice, I have generally avoided ‘the dog’; the dog being any kind of real attachment over a boy or serious relationship. And so after one of those said bites healed at the beginning of the year, I got on with the rest of the year in the same way I had previously done so – having little crushes here and there, but all the while keeping that barrier up to make sure the dog stayed on its leash.
However, something has been happening recently. I think a crush has manifested itself. What this means, it that I’ve realised I actually have “feelings” for someone. Yes, real feelings. The rush you get when you think of someone, at the same time as having a completely sinking feeling because you know you will inevitably end up heart-broken (bitten), kind of feeling.
The thing is, it is not going away. Maybe it won’t until it bites me. At which point, I would just lick my wound and then keep on charging on despite it all.
Initially I was mulling over the fact that I clearly just lack the “balls”, so to speak, to take the risk to obtain the something that I want… in other words, to just tell the boy how I feel [although, according to one of my girlfriends this is not a good idea as boys like to chase and if you don’t make them work hard to get you, they will either get bored and not be interested or they will go out with you but think they don’t need to put in the effort to keep you – umm… whatever happened to just being honest with each other and not playing stupid games?! Another point for another blog post perhaps].
I comforted myself though, and assured myself that I in fact do have “balls”, by referring to the expression, once bitten, twice shy – and that only someone stupid and incapable of learning from past experiences would put themselves in a position where they could get bit again. But unfortunately, I realised that I made a mistake with my identification of “the dog”.
When it comes to matters of the heart and boys, perhaps we need to look at the dog that bit us in the past as being the individual person, rather than the whole love and relationship thing in general. I think that is where I have been going dreadfully wrong with my thinking.
Ok, so maybe not dreadfully wrong, if by being bit by the dog, as defined by love and relationships generally, merely results in us becoming more cautious or wary next time – that’s fine. But to completely avoid the dog, defined in this way, for fear of being bit twice – that’s um, not fine. Unless we want to be alone and single forever. Which I use to think I would be, but when I get stupid feelings like I have at the moment, I realise I do not in fact want to be alone and single forever.
Therefore, I am redefining the dog. The dog refers to each person / subjective experience that bit me. This means that I will avoid those people that I have been hurt by, or people like them – but perhaps I shouldn’t be so scared of possible new experiences, just because of a few bad previous ones.
So I guess what all those ramblings and reasoning results in, is there being no excuse for me not taking the risk to get what I want. I guess I therefore now tell him that I like him. Ha.
Patience is a virtue, as they say. Rome was not built in a day. I guess I do nothing and see what happens – after all, great achievements, worthwile tasks and the like are not accomplished without patient perseverance and a considerable passage of time [ignoring that reading into this too much in the current context actually makes me sound like I could turn into a creepy stalker with nothing better to do then just wait around in the sidelines…]. After all, apparently girls are not supposed to do the chasing or let guys know how they truly feel…
Argh, convolution.
Sanity and Cigarettes 